if i make my bed in hell

behold, thou art there

[sticky post]& he'll throw you a rope
tb | jesus loved me this i know
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please note that i don't generally trigger warn, purely because i forget.

(fyi if you found this blog expecting actual feels about Jesus instead of a reading the bible very slowly so it will legit be years before we get to the Jesus feels, try this or this for my actual Jesus feels! warning for wordiness, blasphemy, swearing and general douchebaggery. i mean, some of the posts are more reverent than others, particularly the more recent visible posts or the further back posts. BASICALLY THIS IS ME ADVERTISING MY BLOG.

other recs for Jesus feels include john shore (whose link has been removed because he's cissexist) (although i am wary of his treatment of objectification and abuse) and slacktivist (who can be quite bleak and anti-things like miracles). if you want super-specific recs of my favourite posts, which i sincerely doubt you do, comment and i will tell you how i love shore's semi-recent post on not being afraid today and his mega-post on why the bible doesn't condemn homosexuality and i will also find you a dozen posts on universalism and God's love and other such delights from around the web.

oh, my views have CHANGED and john shore has revealed himself to be surprisingly cissexist. slacktivist i tend to find too bleak/anti-spiritual phenomena? so, some new recommendations: sarah over the moon, no shame movement (re: purity culture, although it's far from perfect and lacking w/r/t gsm stuff), wordgazer (especially this on the syro-pheonician woman!).

there are others, but i'm less familiar with them. sarah moon's blog i've read a lot of, and it's very grace-y and also very helpful and social justice-y.

here are some better, if incomplete, thoughts on the old testament chapter-by-chapter.)

(no subject)
tb | jesus loved me this i know
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i am on indefinite hiatus because reading the bible is suddenly difficult for me.

day 995, john 6
tb | jesus loved me this i know
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- 'anyone who comes to me I will never drive away' is lovely and encouraging and hopeful.

- God wants to keep us, for us to be with Him, to be safe and loved.

day 994, john 5
tb | jesus loved me this i know
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- Can't help but wonder if these little explanatory notes which appear in some documents were added in for clarity. It makes more logical sense to me but I am v. wary of all my thoughts atm. Okay, N.T. Wright's thoughts are intensely annoying today - 'quite happy to eke out your days lounging around here with the feeble excuse that somebody else always gets in first', it's implied his sickness is caused by sin! - but he does say that the explanation may not be accurate - the water was believed to heal, but possibly not because of an angel? ...At least, he doesn't seem to view it as accurate. I'm confusing myself. I can't help but think (especially in the case of the man's supposed 'laziness') that his views might be because of his own biases, but he knows a great deal about the era. I'd have to see what other scholars thought to be sure.

- And Jesus giving hope outside of signs and miracles, Jesus being greater than the angels, Jesus not requiring people to wait for a certain time and sign. To be fair, I am biased in wanting to read that into the text, but I think it also makes sense, and it's lovely and liberating.

- Do not sin any more; follow the life-giving law and let it lead you down the path to the kingdom of heaven?

- Wait, I thought calling God Father was normal in Judaism? Is it only in a collective sense that it's normal? Can we only use it in a collective sense if so? ...Wait, no, because Spirit of the Son &c, and sharing in the life and love of the Trinity, which is beautiful.

- 'that one' :D 'the other one only does what the Father and Son tell them to do'.

- Not accepting glory from human beings, not seeking glory or power or earthly recognition.

- Condemning of glory talking about earthly concepts of power and importance and how they pale in comparison to God's?

- Viewing this as, like, debate/argument/Jesus trying to convince them of who He was/is makes this read so much better than if you view it as him constantly condemning them with all his Godly condemning power.

day 993, john 4
tb | jesus loved me this i know
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- Jesus breaking social taboos, reaching out, accepting everyone. Jesus, the image of God, who accepts all.

- Is the part about the reaper expressing the joy of winning people to the kingdom - in the Samaritan woman?

- Is her phrasing of 'everything I have ever done' to mean her sins significant? In how people have reduced her to her sins, her former identity?

day 992, john 3
tb | jesus loved me this i know
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- Is the ascending/descending bit a reference to the Proverbs? There is a verse it's referencing, I forget which.

- Would Nicodemus be expected to understand the prophetic allegories?

- Like the wind, something new and transforming from heaven, something appearing out of the blue, something that belongs to God?

- The condemning and wrath could refer to current events? As in, consequences of sin.

day 991, john 2
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- Jesus sounds all Jewish humour-y.

- And Mary just kind of takes control and he honours and obeys.

day 990, john 1
tb | jesus loved me this i know
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- The part about the light not being overcome by darkness is so encouraging and hopeful.

- And the light that enlightens all <3

- John states so simply what we know - that God made the world, came into the world, and was not recognised but rejected.

- Jesus' closeness with the Father can be ours; we can participate in the Trinitarian love.

- Jesus takes away our sin; baptises with the Holy Spirit.

- The joy of being with John, waiting for his prophecies to come true, and seeing them fulfilled in Jesus.

- And Jesus accepts Peter instantly and with love. (And with the beginning of transformation - a new name.)

- Okay, I never quite understood the 'how do you know me' sequence - I took it as Jesus being able to see Nathanael from a distance, which seems unlikely - but probably it's about him knowing his character supernaturally before he met him in person? I'm not sure how the angels descending and ascending came to pass, either - with the meeting of Moses and Elijah? Otherwise? Oh, according to N.T. Wright it's a reference to Jacob's ladder and how Jesus fulfilled the promises of that and the Temple - of heaven and earth opening up to one another, of God among them. :D

day 989, luke 24
tb | jesus loved me this i know
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- I guess the details of physicality are necessary to avoid Gnosticism.

- Miracles terrify us; we don't quite believe the impossible could be possible.

- Luke's focus on the Holy Spirit here and continued in Acts! :D

- N.T. Wright thoughts, now: Easter is always a surprise, whether the festival itself, or God overturning tragedy in our lives and the world.

- Also! The Cleopas and Mary story functions as a metaphor for the whole of Christianity/a useful meditation practice when you have troubles. ...There are probably other excellent things he says, but I am tired and bad at reading and possibly somewhat vexed by the whole computer situation. (My laptop is broken, and I am telling you, non-existent or future reader of my blog, because I can't contact the only person I'm not super-anxious with. Wait, lies, I'mma go vent to Victoria.)

day 988, luke 23
tb | jesus loved me this i know
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- Having no thoughts of my own, have a thought from N.T. Wright - the fact that even Herod and Pilate became friends hints at the different world that is beginning through Christ. Although their alliance is petty and political, if even they can become friends, surely we can reconcile with others?

- N.T. Wright has plenty of other super-great thoughts - we are invited to see ourselves in Barabbas. I wasn't going to put that in, because atonement theology nuuuuuu, but it can be read as Jesus taking the punishment a corrupt state, a Satan, a human sense of justice, has deemed appropriate for us because of our sins. A near-direct quote: God not only shares, but substitutes Himself for our sinner's fate.

- He also notes that God used the crowd's decision, wrathful and mistaken as it was, for His purposes. God used Barabbas and Simon of Cyrene's stories, so how much more will he use ours for Their larger work.

- Oh, his explanation of green and dry wood - green being Jesus, with his message of peace/reconciliation, dry being genuine rebel leaders, who would incite Rome to burning faster - is ouch.

- Jesus' kingship being mocked is the culmination of Jesus doing kingdom the wrong way with the wrong people. (Also, the sour wine offered by his Roman cupbearer was drunk by poor people.)

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